Look how far I've come!!! The proof is in the pictures. :)



Walking His Path

On November 6th, my sisters and I will be participating in the Brain Tumor Walk for the NTBS (National Brain Tumor Society). The NBTS supports families by providing comprehensive support programs for patients and their loved ones.  They also fund results-driven research to accelerate the discovery of new therapies for adult and pediatric brain tumors.  Our team, Walking His Path, was named after my mom's favorite verse.

Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths."

My sisters both wrote beautiful posts on their blogs, Captured Moments and The Minivan Diaries, about the memories they have of our mom and the faith she showed through her struggle with brain cancer. So, I thought I would give it a shot as well. However, my numerous attempts at writing about that hard time in my life were unsuccessful. I could not get through the first few paragraphs without being overcome with sadness. I think it is because I am missing her now more than ever before. As many of you know, this past year has been a very difficult one for our family. So, I decided to just be honest and share from my heart where I am at this point in my life. She was such a beautiful example of how to live your life with grace and faith no matter what difficulty you face. As I watched her fight for her life and struggle with this disease, I was amazed by her growing walk with the Lord.

My mom gave me the book, 31 Days of Praise, before she passed away. This was a book that we read together for encouragement. I turn to this book quite often and read it whenever I need a "pick me up". On July 14, 2009, I had a terrible day at work. I was stressed about a new project that was not going well, I was 29 weeks pregnant, and I was completely exhausted from the workload. That night I read from 31 Days of Praise. I still remember reading this passage and thinking, "Wow, that is powerful...I wonder what God has in store for me?” Little did I know….it was so much more than my insignificant work stress! It read:

"Father, I'm so delighted that You are both loving and sovereign, and that You cause all things to work together for good to those who love You, to those who are called according to Your purpose. So I thank You for each disturbing or humbling situation in my life, for each breaking or cleansing process You are allowing, for each problem or hindrance, for each thing that triggers in me anxiety or anger or pain. And I thank You in advance for each disappointment, each demanding duty, each pressure, each interruption that may arise in the coming hours and days."

I closed the book, said a prayer, and tried to fall asleep....but something was bothering me. I realized I had not felt the baby move all day. This was not normal so I got up and drank a glass of juice, but still nothing. I was a little worried, but thought he must be sleeping and I was just overreacting.

The next morning I woke up on my stomach. This frightened me and I had a gut feeling something was not right. I ate breakfast on my way to work, but still felt nothing. I called my doctor when I got to work. Her nurse told me to eat some candy, drink some juice, and do a kick test. I found an empty conference room and lay down on the floor to see if I could feel him move, still nothing. I began to panic at this point, but just kept telling myself that I was overreacting. Almost embarrassed that I was so panicked, I called the nurse back to let her know he still was not moving. She calmly told me that I needed to come to the office for a sonogram. To make a long story short, there was little to no "cord flow" and I was admitted to the hospital immediately.

Logan was not getting any nutrients from me, had not grown at all from the sonogram a week prior, and was not getting the oxygen he needed to live. He was totally unresponsive to any stimulation and I was told he needed to be delivered by emergency C-section immediately. It is a true miracle that he is alive today. Only weighing 2lbs.2oz, he was unresponsive for 5 minutes as the NICU team worked on him. He was placed in an incubator under bright lights, intubated, and loaded with numerous wires and IV’s to keep him alive.

God placed it on my heart to know that something was wrong and I followed His voice. I will never forget Logan’s doctor coming to my bedside to give me a report on his status and telling me that if I had waited just waited 2 more hours, “we would be having a completely different conversation.” Even though I blamed myself for not noticing earlier, it was clear that God had worked a miracle through me!

I was brought to my knees that afternoon, but God showered me with His grace. I hadn't felt helplessness like that since the day my mom was diagnosed with brain cancer. Even though that day would be the beginning of the hardest time of my life, I was filled with a peace that surpassed all understanding. A peace that I believe my mom experienced during the fight for her life. It was that night in my hospital bed; I realized why I had gone through the loss of my mother. I would never have been able to draw on her life experience and example of a faith driven life had she not been diagnosed with cancer. It prepared me for the series of trials I was about to take on; a series of trials that I had just read about the night before in the book she gave me. God gave me the strength to make it through that night and he used her to do it. It was so powerful; I almost felt her sitting there right beside me in my hospital room.

My mom was an incredibly strong woman and had so much faith through such a terrible time. She was a witness to all those around her. I remember sitting beside her on her bed as she encouraged me and shared with me all she was learning as she studied the bible. She had such excitement in her voice and light in her eyes when she spoke about what God was doing through her experience. It was so apparent to everyone around her that she felt a true love for the Lord and pure joy in her heart. She never became angry or bitter about her situation, but used it to share God's love with others. I remember her quoting,

James 1:2-4 "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

She would say, "Elizabeth, this is a terrible thing I am going through, but I would not change a thing. Of course I will miss you girls if He chooses to take me home, but I would not take any of it back because then I would not have learned what I have about the Lord." What a powerful statement! I am not quite at the point where I can consider all my trials pure joy, but I am grateful things turned out the way they did. I have seen God work in my life and do immeasurably more than I could ever hope or imagine. I have learned more about my Heavenly Father in the past year than ever before, and my walk with him gets stronger every day.

As we wait for results from the Neurologist concerning Logan’s future development, I know our journey is far from over. But I take great comfort in the fact that I have the Lord to direct my path, and even carry me down the path when I feel I can’t walk anymore. I truly believe that every trial we experience is a platform on which God reveals Himself, showing His love and power, both to us and others looking on. What a blessing it was to see my mom walk his path throughout her life!

On November 6th, my sisters and I walk for her and all she represented. We walk to show our support to those traveling down the difficult path that brain cancer brings. My prayer is that they will find the love and support that Jesus Christ can bring during their struggle. If you would like to walk with me or donate to the National Brian Tumor Society, click here.

Why Immeasurably More?

I have waited so long to start a blog because I did not know what to name it.  As stupid as that sounds, it's the truth.  As many of you know, this has been a very difficult, yet rewarding, year for our family.  The verse that we have lived by and dedicated to our sweet Logan is Ephesians 3:20.  Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.  So when Becca suggested "Immeasurably More", I thought it was perfect.  It is late so I am not going to post much tonight, but I thought I should get over the hump of my first post.  It has been a long time coming! :)